5 Reasons I'm Happy To Be Staying in Ireland for the Summer

Well, Summer is upon us and inevitably that means that most of my friends and the majority of my small town embark on a mass migration to sunnier climates, not unlike swallows. In general, by mid-May you can notice the lack of young people in my area, their spaces usually taken over by babbling Spanish students or excitable Americans (yes, I just partook in mass generalisation, so? I'm sad.)

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So, in an effort to cheer myself, and any poor, poverty stricken companions, up about the fact that we're left behind here in this lovely, death-by-boredom inducing country I've compiled a list that'll make you happy you're here*.

1- The Sunburn.

 We shall not be inflicted to that melanoma fuelled heat device and have to endure the pain of a sunburn. Oh, yes, you may look at them pictures on Instagram of various suns setting across the #pacific #thailand #spain #coast #beach and initially you may be overwhelmed with anger, but ever wonder why there's never a picture of the photographers face? Because, true to Irish form, they've seen the sun, lost their minds, took off all their clothes, wore no sunscreen and now are the colour of a very well done lobster.

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Trust me, if you're in Ireland, you will not (unless you're a vampire) possibly be able to get burnt by any level of heat coming from the so-called "sun" we have here. You avoid sunburn, pain, searingly painful red skin, copious amounts of after sun and your mothers continuous beration.

This is EXACTLY what I look like after half an hour in the sun :(

1-0 to us!!


2. Broken english.

Ah, the lovely non English speakers. Who doesn't enjoy meeting a stranger from a foreign land and getting to know them and their culture a bit better, it's one of the best things about travelling. Broadens your horizons a bit, doesn't it? Gives ya someone to call if you need somewhere to crash in a foreign country.

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All this may happen. However, something you can be certain will happen is that you'll forget to speak English and you'll walk away from your new best friend, possibly without a place to crash or any understanding of their culture, but for sure with new sentences tumbling out of your mouth such as "We swim?" (enter swimming gesture here) "Pool?" (all whilst miming jumping onto the pool and pointing extravagantly in the direction of said pool).

You may have broadened your horizons Bud but I can still speak English eloquently.

2-0 to us!!!


3. "Where did she get the money from at all?"

There is nothing more Irish in the world than wondering about someone else's finances. Do anything slightly extravagant, or yano something not so extravagant like going for a weekend away to Kilkee and all of a sudden "They must have won the lotto! Or maybe when Auntie Mae died she left a little present? Oh, may she Rest in Peace!"

When all you travellers come home, prepare for an onslaught of questions about finances and what's left and if you made money over there. I'll just sit in the corner, as poor as ever, but laughing at you and your incapability to tell anyone you got a loan and are in the painful throes of paying it back now heheheh. This may sound slightly bitter but, well, it is.

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However, anything that ensures me escaping Mary Flynn's questioning down the village means, in my opinion, I win. Again.

3-0 to us!!


4. Investing in Ireland.

Sher aren't we in the middle of a recession? The last thing the country needs at all is people going abroad and spending their hard earned money in foreign economies! Don't we have ministers here dying for another holiday, at our expense.

Any money I will be spending this summer will, unfortunately, be going straight into their holiday and transport fund. Woo.

3-1 this time I'm afraid.


5. Home Comforts

Before one of my best friends left she tweeted that she loved her bed so much she didn't know how she could deal with a blow up mattress. It was then I realised that maybe I was better off. When you go abroad you miss out on vital, life affirming things such as your kettle, real Barry's tea, your lovely mattress and your Mammy.

kinda

Mammy is a multi-purpose service. She'll cook for you, clean up after you, wipe your tears when you're sad and God forbid you get sick abroad without Mammy to make you a honey and lemon drink. It just wouldn't be the same. I'm not sure I could deal.

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4-1



Good thing I stayed at home after all!






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