The Fat Diaries.

All my life I’ve been pretty aware of the fact that I have to eat healthy and stay fit to ensure I stay more on the side of average sized girl than a baby elephant. I gain weight very easily and anyone that knows me knows my weight fluctuates quite regularly depending on my motivation, current situation and whether I’ve started a new “fitness regime” or not. The approaching Christmas season is striking the fear of God into me and making me want to stay in my own little cocoon in Abu Dhabi and not bother returning home to cosy fires, Bailey’s coffees and all that I hold dear in my life (Selection Boxes, Haribo, anything with carbs and Southern Comfort).

I’m usually very good at motivating myself once I’ve committed to something. If I say I’ll do something, in particular, if I’ve paid for it, I can motivate myself to follow through. However, since taking the leap and moving my whole life to Abu Dhabi all I’ve done is gain the “Abu Dhabi Stone” or so they call it. “They” being my predecessors that also gained. As a result of this horrific weight gain I decided to take action and I signed up to a Nutrition and Exercise Program. This is not the first time I’ve done this and the first one, while it was, to be honest, quite successful with regards weight loss and muscle building I knew there was more I could have gained, or lost, from it had I being more committed. I’m easily distracted by booze runs and FOMO plays a huge part in my life. So, the intention with this sign up was to improve on my last one, to commit, follow through and reap the rewards. I’m three weeks in to a four week plan and this has, devastatingly, not occurred.

I can motivate myself. I ENJOY healthy food. I like to feel in control with regards food and exercise. I like a lot of exercise, in fact, I LOVE to go to some classes; Spinning, Yoga, Pilates, any combination of weight resistance and cardio (apart from Burpees, but who likes Burpees), cross fit, TRX and I adore a long walk along the coast. I like the endorphins that are released post exercise and I like the feeling of your body toning up slowly but surely. I’ve tried every single exercise class and trend that’s out there and there’s very few I don’t like. I love fruit. Stir fry is my favourite dinner. I find salads not unbearable, depending on the ingredients.

But, here this is not the case. I’m finding motivating myself to exercise nigh on impossible. Eating healthy is a genuine pain in the neck and my heart is throbbing with self loathing because I can’t seem to stick to anything and keep, to use a cliché, “falling off the wagon”. So, on my way home from boot camp this morning I decided to pinpoint the reasons I’m not enjoying my healthy lifestyle this time round. This will not be a motivation post (that’s the next one) but it might also help you pinpoint reasons you’re not staying on track.

Work.

I’m genuinely not enjoying work. When I leave work, as a result of my hatred, all I want to do is treat myself by having a cuppa and a biccie, a nice dinner and some a gorgeous dessert. My favourite part of the day is coming home to the girls and having a lovely cup of tea and a biscuit and dissecting your day. These girls can eat biscuits with minimal effect but for me every biscuit I eat is another ripple in my thigh. I feel that after a day of dealing with things and people I hate that I deserve these treats and without these it makes the day very difficult to get through and all of a sudden my job is ten times worse than it was beforehand. If I’m not rewarding myself for getting through the day I simply want to sleep to forget about it. Problematic on all sides.

Environment.

A lot of the socialising we do here in Abu Dhabi is based entirely around and on food and drink. Brunches are common weekend plans where you’re simply encouraged to eat and drink as much as you can for a sum of money. Not conducive to a healthy regime. The last few weekends have been a constant cycle of people going up to Dubai for big weekend celebrations and with the Abu Dhabi GAA tournament coming here, hundreds of Irish descended on our island and, let’s not lie, drank the weekend away. I’ve avoided these two weekends and subsequently feel like a dry, boring Granny and have made zero progress with my health and fitness desires. Disaster.

Another factor in my environment is my living space. When we arrived we were thrown into a villa with a stranger and everyone crossed their fingers that they got along. I, unfortunately, was not one of the lucky ones and this makes coming home, making dinners, spending time in the kitchen consistently awkward.

I live in a suburb outside of Abu Dhabi that is, simply, a desert. There is nothing. It’s a barren land, pretty much. This, for someone that loves streets, exploring new places, finding new spots to walk and taking advantage of “new sign up” free weeks in yoga classes etc, is disastrous. To get anywhere, to any class, to anything that is advantageous to a healthy regime I must find a partner (to cut the price of the taxi), find a taxi, usually guide the taxi driver, pay for the taxi and hope that it all works out.  A massive effort that a lot of the time does not reap big enough a reward for the effort required.

Lack of results.

I stuck with this nutrition and exercise program pretty well for the first two weeks and, yet, there were no results to be seen. My gym buddy (something I would recommend everyone should have when starting a new regime) managed to lose close to A STONE on the first week with the juice diet section of the diet and I managed to shift ZERO pounds. If that’s not disheartening I don’t know what is. I know, I know, it’s not all about the figure on the scale but, really, for me, a lot of it is.

Restriction.

I don’t know if it’s just me or if this is common in the spoiled brats among the world but as soon as I’m told I can’t have something, guess what, I NEED it in my life. As soon as possible. I’m instantly tempted by everything and anything. I’m aware of how close the shop is to me, how easy a delivery would be or how tasty a good piece of toast feels. This diet is restrictive in the extreme so that every time I eat ANYTHING I feel like I’m cheating and I’m carrying that guilt around with me everywhere and, of course, the temptation is unbearable and my willpower nowhere to be seen.

Discipline: the art of doing what you need to do regardless of whether you feel like doing it or not

There is not much I can do about the above reasons, the point of this is that now I’m aware of what my negative triggers are and when I’m feeling down, I know why and can turn to something that makes me happier or motivates me, like tha VS fashion show? Waaaaaahhhh. This is not meant to be a depressing post; simply if you’re also having trouble it might assist in helping you see why. I promise one that will actually motivate you is coming soon. Now that I’ve pinpointed the reasons I think are restricting me I’m starting again. This time around, now that I know my triggers I’m, hopefully, not going to let them affect me. Juicing is starting tomorrow and I’m committing whole-heartedly until next Thursday and hopefully after I will continue at least until I smell that Baileys Coffee when I land home ;)

Wish me luck

xo