A Love Letter to: My Army

I was recently composing a list of various things I've left throughout my life and after a lot of thought I realised that 90% of the ‘things’ I regretted leaving behind were people.

I harp on repeatedly about toxic friends, relationships and situations and how if you ever find yourself in one you should love yourself and value your own worth enough to gently remove yourself from said situation or people. Despite being blue in the face explaining to others the concept of self love and looking after yourself enough to let these people and things go I frequently find myself lamenting the fact that some people are gone and I didn't spend longer watering what might have been a dying friendship? And while it’s ok to be nostalgic from time to time I look at my Army, my non-sexual life partners, and I see how great they are.

Identifying what makes me truly happy has being a trip I've been on for the last few years and I can safely say that being around my army, no matter who, or how many of them there are, makes me the happiest I can be. Which just proves, when you surround yourself with the best people, you feel the best you can.

I see how we build each other up.

Would never think of judging each other unnecessarily

And how we don’t need to be constantly with each other to understand what’s going on and I know while I've made some mistakes in the name of self preservation and not getting hurt (haven’t we all) I've made some pretty damn good decisions as well.

And my army is proof of that.

Your best friends are by far the most important thing in your life. Through the good, the bad and the ugly, they get you. Somehow your appreciation for them gets lost among the jumble of pain and laughter. The things I’m most grateful for are the little things. The things that show someone’s thinking of you and understands you, more than most people. It’s very rarely that I express this. So, here’s the things I'm grateful for and an attempt at expressing my thanks.

You’re the reason I know true friends are forever, others will dip in and out but no matter how annoying I am, and trust me, I know when I’m being annoying, or when I’m not listening to your well meaning advice, or going into one of my many hibernation seasons, m’army are always there when I decide to listen or come out of hibernation. That’s a testament to both their patience and their capability to love. And I love them for proving everyday that they’ll be there.

Something as small as a text can change your day and my army, they understand, they understand the importance of contact, however sporadic. They also understand my need for reassurance, which I’m forever grateful for and can only imagine how annoying it is!

You don’t talk about me behind my back, that I’m confident of and you’ll never ignore my messages, no matter how long a reply takes, it will come.

Friendship depends on the extraordinary as well as the ordinary. In the last five years there hasn't been a stint in my life when one of my army wasn't across the water, however near or far, and even though we’re separated by oceans, we are still constantly together, narrating our lives through Skype, messages, voice notes and snapchats in a conversation that never ends.

We’ve shared about 7678 photos on Whatsapp, laughed at each other’s disasters and cried when the time called for it. We’ve shared more coffees out than I’d like to admit, cause who can afford dinner and you can nurse a coffee for hours and for this I’m also thankful.

I have some pretty outlandish ideas and plans, and even I sometimes know they’re a bit much, yet I rarely sense any genuine doubt when I tell my people about my ambitious plans and ideas. Maybe a helpful push in the right direction (towards reality) but all I ever feel is support. As John Green said, “That’s who you really like, the people you can think out loud in front of.”

You've showed me the way when I've allowed myself to be clouded by my own judgement. “A secret relationship is no relationship” isn't something you ever want to hear but the people that tell you are the ones who really care. Not your “secret boyfriend”.

Black out stage? Been there. Been brought home more times than I can count and for that, I’m indebted cause, let’s be real, it’s only a matter of time before I start causing havoc that none of us would be able to fix the next morning, no matter how many pizzas we order. 

These women are the women I like, and women I WISH I was like. Just being in their presence can make me feel like we can be magic and achieve anything. Everyone knows you should only hang out with people that make you comfortable and happy and if I had a choice, I’d sail to an island, with these girls, these ones alone, and stay there forever.

xo