FWIS: From where I Stand

Did you think I was going to do a blog post on my clothes accompanied with a photo looking down on my feet. No, no, I’m not going to do that, but just in case you’re curious, here’s a photo anyway.

 I may never make it as a fashion blogger hahaha.

This is about where I actually stand, in life. I've returned home. I wasn't going to write anything about this cause, yano, social media isn't a diary, but then I remembered, this is my little space, read it and love it, read it and hate it, it doesn't matter cause no one’s making you so if you’re going to judge AWAY WITH YOU. We don’t like that negativity around these parts!!

 About six months ago I travelled 6000 kilometers away from my little home in Galway, Ireland to Abu Dhabi in the UAE. There is no doubt about it that, at the time, this was what I wanted. In fact, all my life I've been pining to get out of Galway to travel, explore the world and see new things and I was so, so excited to start this new chapter of my life. And yet, I’m back? Right back where I started. I gave up, gave in, couldn't handle it, right? A bit of a failure, to be honest. This was exactly how I felt when I finally made the hard decision to come home. I stayed inside at home, I only told one friend that I was home and I was, to put it simply, MORTIFIED. After all my talking I only lasted half a year and I’m back again. Maybe I’m not the adventuress I have proclaimed myself to be my whole life. Maybe I am destined to a life stuck on this Emerald Isle with the same people I've known all my life.

Then, I shook myself.

I did it, didn't I? I went, I tried and it genuinely was my own personal hell. I stayed for six months, I gave it a good lash and when I couldn't pretend anymore I did what was best for me and I came home to start my next adventure.

Full disclosure: I loved all the people I met there, some I desperately hope will be my friends for life and Abu Dhabi is an amazing city. The job was not what I had expected nor would I say that it was anything as was described to me in my interview, the living situation was not for me and we were living in a suburb which I felt quite isolated in. I won’t go into all the gory details but I felt like I was extending my college life, being treated like a child when I was ready to start my career and shoved into a situation where I worked, lived and socialised with all the same people, most of whom were WONDERFUL, but it’s not a very healthy environment for anyone. I have a very clear idea of what I want in life and sometimes this means I can’t relax and take things as they come which is a serious flaw in my personality. Most days after work I would be upset and this was not how I wanted to spend the next six months so, I did it. I came home.

I was embarrassed. Angry, at myself, mostly. Full of questions. Disappointed. Confused. And, embarrassed again.

And then, I copped on.

You’re meant to try new things and mess up a few times; you’re free to undertake your own journey. Life is the most beautiful and most ugly thing in the world thus our lives will have times when they are exceptionally beautiful and extremely ugly. This was an ugly stage that I chose to take myself out of.

I was lost in Abu Dhabi, I wasn’t following any of my goals up, I was despondent going to work every day and I felt like I was going backwards. Then, I realised, being lost is the only way to find the person you’re meant to be. Pretending you have it together for the benefit of everyone else will make you fail at life in a most spectacular and miserable fashion.

Life should be spent creating and improving. Life should be about getting up in the morning and looking forward (well, not hating the thought of it) going to work. Life should be about the little moments that make you happy. Life should be an open conversation between you, your goals, the people around you and everything else. Life should be spent striving to be the best you. Life should be a primarily happy experience.

I was once told that being in love with yourself was the greatest love affair you’d ever have and when you had this love everything would fall into place. This was me taking care of myself, loving myself, the way I would for someone I truly loved. This was it.

As mentioned above, I know what I want. I’m willing to work towards it. However, in that environment, there was very little chance of working toward or improving anything. So, I left. You have to trust that you’ll find your own path and if you don’t that it will have the balls to find you however, there’s no harm in putting yourself in a place that you’re easy to find.

Accept that you’re lost and then, find your way through the fog and don’t be afraid to make the hard decisions in life. I’m told they’re the ones that matter the most.